Communicating+Effectively

Quotes: The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. George Bernard Shaw Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak--courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. Winston Churchill

__with all stakeholder groups, clear and open, building networks__

~George Bernard Shaw
When I (Patti) was twelve years old I became seriously lost. My mother and I had traveled to rural Arkansas to visit her family and after spending the first night at Grandma and Grandpa’s place, I asked if I could go visit Uncle Beryl’s farm which was about a mile down the country road; no one was available to drive me but I insisted I could walk the distance. After much persuasion, my mother relented and said yes – but asked if I was sure I remembered how to get there since it had been a couple years since the last visit. I vaguely remembered a fork in the road near the old schoolhouse and asked her which direction I should take when I got there. She told me, “Don’t go past the schoolhouse.” When I came to the fork in the road, I looked at both roads, looked at the schoolhouse, took the road that went in front of it and continued my journey. Several hours later, I arrived back at my grandparent’s house from the opposite direction – after having walked about 5 miles in a big circle. After the panicked adults had calmed down, my mother sternly questioned “whatever was I thinking” – she’d told me not to go past the schoolhouse. I assured her I hadn’t – because in my mind “don’t go past the schoolhouse” meant don’t go any further than the schoolhouse; of course, she’d meant for me not to take the road that went closest to the schoolhouse. It has been a long remembered lesson on how important clear communication can be.

School leaders are constantly watched and evaluated by what they say and do and how they communicate with those around them -- whether it’s in a simple exchange of words in the hallway or a presentation given to a gym full of parents and community members; in an email message to a staff member or an article written for the local newspaper; or during an all staff meeting or at a heated debate over the staff room lunch table. That ability to communicate effectively in all situations serves as the warp, the foundational threads that hold together the tapestry of our work and how we interact with our various stakeholders has an enormous impact on how we are viewed by others. And as our personal tapestry unfolds, our communication skills often determine if it is viewed from above -- as beautiful and meaningful -- or from the bottom – indistinct and full of knots and tangles.

Successful school leaders establish effective systems of communication with the staff, the students, the parents and the community. Being visible and accessible is of utmost importance if we want to be seen as an effective communicator; sitting in an office all day with the door closed sends the unmistakable message that we are not interested in the thoughts or opinions of others. The late Father Henri Nouwen once shared the story of an old priest who told him, “I have always been complaining that my work was constantly interrupted; then I realized that the interruptions were my work.” Making that shift in how we view unexpected interactions with others will have a significant impact on how others view us. But making that shift is often easier said than done because our good intentions can become betrayed by our body language or tone of voice – an initial heavy sigh or a slight rolling of the eyes quickly negates a forced smile and offer of “how can I help you?”

Many of the educators interviewed during the writing of this book spoke of the importance of developing a school culture in which all opinions are valued and communication is frequent, timely and transparent. For this type of communication to become the operational norm of the school culture, we need to move beyond putting communication structures and policies in place and instead, begin to focus on the quality of the interactions. Parent newsletters, state-of-the-art websites, and automated calling systems can be good communication tools but can not serve as a substitute for face-to-face interaction with parents and community members at school events, advisory council meetings, “coffees” held in neighborhood homes, or in a chance meeting in the grocery store.

Within the school, it means our concept of communication must move beyond “telling” - a simple giving of opinions or information – and enter into the realm of “dialogue” – an exchange of ideas and thoughts held in a respectful atmosphere promoted by acceptance, mutual trust, and a willingness to listen. It’s easy for a school leader to get caught up in the notion that encouraging and valuing the thoughts of others means accepting and implementing the ideas of others, but that is not the case. While everyone should feel free to contribute their thoughts without fear of ridicule or reprisal, all ideas must be discussed in the light of what is best for the students and how the suggestions further the vision and mission of the school. Many times when seeking input from staff members I would remind them “just because I didn’t follow your suggestion doesn’t mean it wasn’t heard and considered”. When my school implemented student-led conferencing nearly fifteen years ago, we did not have 100% agreement and there were those reluctant to try the new process. Their concerns were heard and acknowledged but the final message remained clear – we were moving ahead and everyone was expected to contribute to the success of the plan – but we also said we would evaluate the results afterwards. As promised, staff, parents, and students were asked to evaluate the process and the feedback was used to adjust the process – and on a side note, some of the people with the greatest concerns became strong supporters of the process.

Many of the difficulties we face in schools are a direct result of poor communication – think about the number of conflicts you’ve dealt with between students, teachers, and parents because someone failed to communicate clearly. Peter Drucker said, “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” Winnie the Pooh has another point of view, “If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.” As school leaders, we are often programmed to be quick thinkers and problem solvers and in the rush of moving from one "crisis" to another, we sometimes forget that hearing does not always equal listening. I once worked for an individual whose first response, when presented with an issue or problem, was to immediately try to solve it; since more often than not I was simply looking for advice rather than someone to fix the problem for me, I learned to preface my conversations with, “I’d just like you to listen and brainstorm with me, can we do that?” As a principal, I would often ask, “Are you here just to vent and want me to listen or are you looking for advice and a solution?” Many times, people just wanted to be heard. A good lesson can be learned from the Chinese character that means "to hear" for it is created from smaller characters that represent ear, eyes, undivided attention and heart - all of which must be present if authentic active listening is to occur.

In today’s world of instant communication through emails and texting, it has become even more critical to sharpen our written communication skills. While these methods of communication are efficient, something is missing - the personal contact, the body language, the tone of voice, and the ability to “read” the person that make all the difference when we communicate most effectively. Additionally, an unintentional message of incompetence can be sent when written communication contains misspellings, typos, or poor grammar – mistakes often overlooked when working under a tight deadline. And remember, because you’re not present in person when a letter, memo or email is read, how the message is received is not always the way the message was intended. One time, joining in an emotionally charged email loop that was circulating in the school, I described the unintended consequences that can occur when email is used to discuss a frustrating and emotional situation as “dangerous”. Unfortunately, the word was interpreted by some as meaning dangerous to them in a professional sense and much time was needed to restore the peace – and I was reminded again that especially when emotional issues are in play, how important it is to have someone else read over the message looking for red flag words or phrases before the send button is hit. And sometimes, when emotions are running high, it is probably better not to respond in writing at all! The bottom line is effective written communication skills are a must if you want your school to be healthy for students, staff and parents. As an interesting side note, 30 years of data gathered through NASSP's assessment center program for school leaders indicates that written communication consistently appears as one of the weakest skills of the participants.

Sometimes however, despite our best efforts to communicate effectively, things fall apart. How we respond in these situations often depends on the cause of the problem. If the breakdown is a direct result of an action on our part, the best thing to do is take responsibility, admit the mistake, apologize, reflect on what’s been learned and move on. While this can be difficult when done one-on-one, it takes even more courage and fortitude to stand before an entire staff and admit you were in the wrong – but done sincerely, this action often increases, rather than decreases, the leader’s stature in the eyes of the staff.

Communication breakdown often happens when stress, emotions, and frustrations are running high and at times like this, the principal has the difficult responsibility of getting everyone heading down the conflict escalator rather than up. Once my school was faced with a serious situation and the staff became divided on the issue – sides were taken and lines were being drawn. An already difficult situation was exacerbated when the media ran the story, parents were drawn into the issue, and lawyers got involved – communication with all parties was strained to say the least. Recognizing that time spent in the bathroom taking deep breaths and reminding myself that I could get through this was not helping resolve the problem, I decided it was time to confront the issue head-on with the staff. Because of the high emotional toll this had taken on everyone, I wanted to be very sure that I communicated clearly and said what I felt needed to be said. Even though it wasn’t my normal style, I wrote a letter to the staff and read it during a staff meeting – this made sure I didn’t get sidetracked or forget how I wanted to say something, I could use eye contact, body language and tone of voice to help convey the message, and afterwards I could give out copies to those who were absent (or anyone else who wanted to reread it – and many did). In short, the message assured everyone they had a right to their own opinion on the issue and that we would get through it – but what we needed to begin asking ourselves was what we wanted to look like once we were on the other side. We were on the brink of destroying the culture we had created and needed to decide if that was what we really wanted to do. I can’t say that things changed overnight, but it was the turning point for how we interacted with one another as we continued to work through the situation -- and we did come out on the other side with a better appreciation of the role that open communication plays in maintaining a healthy school culture.

Steven Covey uses the metaphor of a bank account to describe “the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship.” (7 Habits, pg 188). Effective communication skills do have an impact on the relationships we have with those with whom we work and the “balance” we have in this account becomes critical when challenging conversations are necessary. As a school leader, we have a responsibility to the students that have been entrusted to our care; we cannot look the other way when we see behaviors that are detrimental to students or decisions being made that are not in alignment with the school’s vision -- and it requires both courage and skill to confront these issues without damaging the relationship. The art of direct, but gentle confrontation is a skill to be developed and practiced. One of the school leaders we spoke with shares an example: I received an appeal from parents regarding a failing grade their child had received in a class. Before meeting with the teacher, I checked the student’s grades in other classes and found he was doing well except for this one class. As I met with the teacher, I asked him to share with me how he had determined the final grade. It appeared the student had received several 0’s for not turning in homework assignments and when averaged into the mix, it brought the final grade down to failing – but grades on classroom work, tests, and other homework assignments were well above passing. I asked if the student met the objectives of the class and was proficient in the content and was told, “yes, but he didn’t turn in all his homework.” I explained it was not in the best interest of the child to fail him based on missed homework assignments but the teacher was adamant the he would not change the grade -- I would have to do that. Not wanting to turn this into a power play, I suggested we meet with the team leader to discuss the issue. This teacher was new to the team and I knew the team had been working with him to bring his practices more in line with the team culture. The team leader was excellent at mediating the situation and agreed while it wasn’t fair to fail the student based on missing homework, he did need to be held accountable for the work and that the team could help the teacher come up with a solution. While the teacher did not initially respond favorably to this plan, a few days later came to the conclusion that it would be better for him to change the grade and negotiate a contract with the student regarding the missing assignments rather than have it come as a mandate from me. The principal in this case held firm to his beliefs about what was best for students and was not hesitant to share those beliefs with the teacher. But by bringing in the team leader as mediator, he was able to find a way that prevented the situation from becoming an issue of control and thereby, he was able to maintain his relationship with the teacher.

But what about the flip side? How open are you to being on the receiving end of difficult conversations? As leaders, we also need to develop the ability to openly listen to critical comments, whether or not we feel they are accurate or deserved. Listening, reflecting, and not becoming defensive is another element of communication that must be nurtured and practiced, frequently time and time again. It is much easier to dismiss remarks with “he doesn’t know what he’s talking about” than it is to reflect on the comments to see if there is at least a kernel of truth to be found. Having pre-determined responses to use in situations like this can be very useful when trying to remain professional and keep your composure during difficult times. When dealing with an upset parent “I’m sorry that happened, I’ll check into it and get back to you” works much better than “I can’t believe that teacher would do such a thing!” When the criticism is directed at you, try “I appreciate you sharing that, I’ll give it some thought” or “I’m sorry you feel that way, let me think about what you’re saying.” But don’t make these just platitudes -- reflect on what has been said and when appropriate, run it by a trusted colleague and ask for their honest appraisal. And above all, if you promise to get back to the person with your conclusion, do so.

The job of a middle level leader is not easy; but honing the skills that allow us to communicate both clearly and effectively will serve us well and help ensure we don’t get lost when we encounter unexpected twists and turns along the way -- and like my 12 year old self, take the wrong road past the schoolhouse. Here’s advice that experienced practitioners have to offer on the art of maintaining effective communication:

Communicating to build collaboration and community:
· Have numerous advisory councils - school improvement teams, teacher leaders, department heads, school focus groups, faculty meetings. · For parents, hold community coffee hours in each of the attendance zones of the school on a regular basis - at a parent's house.

· Communicate to church leaders about school programs so they in turn could communicate with the parents and assist us in getting them involved in their child's education - especially effective for the second language learner population.

· Create a school culture in which all opinions are valued and communication flows in all directions.

· I believe everyone has a voice and they will be heard!

· Invite district personnel to department and team meetings on a regular basis and put them on school committees - they learned what was happening in our school and we had better access to what was happening in the district

· Communication is the key to our success - don't forget to communicate regularly with parents (in a variety of ways), the district office, feeder schools, and students.

· Each month we give a "What's happening in our school" report to the school board.

· Visibility throughout the entire community creates many informal means to communicate the many successes of our students and school. · Keep regular communication with other administrators in the district - at all grade levels.

· Personal communication with district leaders helps keep them abreast of happenings within the school and gives them an emotional connection which lends itself to support of school programs.

Communicating with staff:
· Develop and maintain an open door policy. Listen to the staff. Admit mistakes.

· Lots of conversations - talk face to face whenever possible

· Be visible in the building!

· I meet weekly with every core team.

Communicating with parents and the community:
· Keep your website updated and current!

· I live by the premise that I don't want surprises for any of our stakeholders.

· Continually remind yourself that you serve many constituencies and keep in mind that the best interest of the students should never be compromised. · Encourage all staff members to make one positive phone call home every day.

· It is important to practice and model respectful direct communication. When a parent calls to complain or question the practice of a teacher, I will ask whether or not the parent has contacted the teacher. If not, I encourage the parent to connect with the teacher first and let them know I want to know how the conversation went - positively or negatively.

Communication practices:
· Get back to people personally and in a timely fashion

· Don't move too quickly while a conversation is in progress · Listen, think, and respond professionally

· When writing – edit, edit, edit – and if you can’t spell – find someone who can!

· In the area of communication - more is better and timeliness is crucial!! · Don't avoid the negative and be forthright.

· Listen - be available and involved and listen --   Listen more than you talk.